A while back, my husband took some time off work.
One morning, he began the day with a big tight hug and told me he loved me. Then we held hands in the middle of the living room and started the day with prayer.
After breakfast, he went off to do the laundry. He then set about folding the clean cloths and putting them away in the closets.
Right after that, he made the bed (even though it was my turn, since I was the last one out of bed).
I lounged lazily around the house, feeling loved and spoilt.
It went on like that for a while. He did the dishes, cleaned up the kitchen floor, did the laundry, wiped surfaces, got around to do some pending maintenance works in the house
Well, you ask, what’s the big deal?
Well, the big deal is that it had not always been like that.
We have, like many couples, struggled to speak each others love language, to love the other person in a way that they understand.
We have constantly dished out what we like, instead of what the other person likes – actually gone ahead and believed that our efforts will be earnestly noticed and appreciated.
And then sat back in disappointment and wondered why the other person does not seem to notice our efforts but actually pines for more.
Speaking my love language
In his book, The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman explains that couples experience love in five unique ways.
1. Acts of service
2. Quality time
4. Physical touch
5. Words of affirmation
Among the five languages, my strongest is “Acts of Service”.
When Tommy cooks or cleans, I hear “I love you”, “You matter to me”, “You are important and precious”, “I will do anything for you”.
This got me thinking about life and relationships.
How we tend to give others what we want instead of taking time to learn them and give them what they really want.
But being a student of another, studying what they need so you can give it to them, calls for patience and a serious dose of “humble”.
“Influence is about others. Sure, it may begin with gaining power, but real leadership turns around and gives that power away.” Jeff Goins, The Secret to influence is
To be ‘powerful’ or significant means giving most, if not all, of yourself away.
You gain strength by being weak, you earn by giving away.
If you have been married for a while, you quickly (hopefully) learn how not to take some things for granted.
Seasons keep changing – things do not remain the same.
So you learn to quickly notice efforts, good seasons. You appreciate small efforts.
You allow your heart to rejoice, to glow and dance regardless of a million other things you would rather notice instead.
You learn how to be grateful for what your spouse does for you. Especially when you know that it’s not natural for them; that it’s something they have had to learn.
Loving others the way they want to be loved is really not a race to the top, but a race to the bottom.
If one wants to be great, they must first become small. Matthew 20:26
“If you are trying to get to “the top” and burning bridges as you go, you may not like the view when you get there.”Jeff Goins
Question – Are you working to speak your spouse’s love language?