Comparing your marriage – are there any benefits?
Lately I’ve been coming across interesting pieces of marriage information which I’ve wanted to adopt for my marriage.
But upon closer inspection, I’ve realized that while the relationship advice is amazing, it’s not applicable in the season my husband and I are in.
Not too long ago similar revelation would left me panicked; scoring high on the distraught scale.
Being the growth enthusiast that I am, I’d have jumped on my still-young marriage (at the time of writing this post) pricking and probing looking for ways to make it better (as per what I’d read) convinced that unless I acted now, we’d suffer tons later.
Now while most people would laugh at my misplaced ‘enthusiasm’, I’ve come to learn that unfiltered marriage advice can make a character out of anyone of us.
Comparing your marriage vs finding what works for your marriage
Three weeks ago I wrote about finding what works for your marriage (and sticking with it)
I shared how in pursuit of growth, many people end up holding their marriages to unrealistic standards.
I am currently living in a new culture and on most days I am confronted by huge cultural differences.
I’ve discovered that if I am not careful, I get stuck on analysis mode.
Over-thinking and toiling over things that have no real bearing (or benefit) to my marriage right now.
Things that would most probably never work for us because we are different.
I am learning, once again, how be comfortable and happy in my own marriage skin.
What are you wrestling with?
You might not be wrestling with cultural differences and issues.
But you might be wrestling with identity.
Because that is what it comes down to really.
Knowing who you are as a couple, being comfortable in your own marriage skin, knowing God’s purpose for you as a couple.
Author Mark Gungor says that to have a thriving relationship, couples need to find out what is right with their spouse (and give it to them).
Not what is wrong.
Unfortunately most of us expend some our greatest marital energy trying to fix our spouses, trying to help them overcome their weaknesses.
We completely miss the fact that bliss finds us when we focus on our spouse’s strength (what is right with them, how God wired them), not what is wrong.
When we focus and revel in what is right with us as a couple, we thrive.
But when we go fishing for “what is wrong with you” (and well-intended) ideas, we wither.
How do you know what is right with you to begin with?
You ask your Creator.
Or blogs (ahem).
Not even mentors.
These other sources ought to confirm or encourage you towards something you already know.
Not until you find out who you are in God as a couple will you know what works for you.
If you don’t know what works for you, you will be like a dust particle in the Kalahari desert, tossed to and fro, dragged around by the winds of comparison.
No other person knows what is going on your life and marriage.
He has a plan for your life and your marriage.
When you spend time seeking Him and His plan, you will be anchored and better protected from the storms of comparison, envy and jealousy.
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