The “marriage is hard” talk can be irritating to the unmarried person.
It was irksome to me when I was single.
Back then I was sorting my own issues and I didn’t want to hear that life could get any more complicated.
Now it’s my opinion that we marrieds can always do a better job of presenting a more balanced picture of marriage.
Nonetheless and after a few years of marriage, I’ve come to see how marriage can be both awesome AND hard.
There’s nothing wrong with having those two things in the same sentence.
And so this why I think marrieds (or at least this married!) talks about the harder part of marriage;
1. Fun doesn’t need fanning
In marriage, the fun part doesn’t seem to need much fanning.
When my husband wakes up in the morning and fixes my favorite breakfast (oatmeal with almond milk or toasted bread with eggs and tea), makes the bed, cleans up the kitchen and mentions we are going out for dinner, this girl doesn’t need any encouragement to be enthused and on fire for her man.
My response to his sweetness is automatic.
It’s when he doesn’t do those things that I need to be fanned in the right direction.
And am not talking about fixing breakfasts and taking me out – even though being an “acts of service” girl, such acts make me very happy.
I am talking about the harder stuff of marriage.
We hear the hard talk because we need it.
We need to know it exists before we get there and we need to be encouraged once we get there.
2. We need to stop being afraid of hard work
One of my favorite Jim Rohn quote says
“The problem with drifting is that no one drifts to the top of a mountain”. (Click to tweet that)
We just have to stop being terrified of anything in overalls and needing work.
Honestly most good things in life come as a result of hard work. Even what we got for free (Salvation) cost God everything.
We must open up to the possibility that marriage will require more growth, investment and intentionality than we have been exposed to in our single season.
You can’t drift through marriage (the same way you can’t drift through singlehood).
You must wear new work boots to get to the top of that marriage mountain.
3. We need to learn new things
There’s no expert that started off as one.
They all learned their way to more skill and expertise. In the same way we all grow and get better over time.
It’s okay not to know everything right now. In fact it’s okay to be a little terrified that you don’t know it all right now.
Fear can be healthy when linked to certain experiences because it can help you make better choices.
In my college days and before I became serious with the Lord, I loved challenging men to the point of physical confrontation. But it didn’t take long to work out the math.
1 college guy + 1 girl = thorough whooping.
I became wise, very quickly after just one confrontation.
Some of these “hard talk” messages can help you slow down and prod you towards better choices.
It’s also good to understand that you don’t have to process and make sense of everything right away.
Whenever there’s over-saturation of such information, just file it away in your “For Later” folder.
Question – Is it important to talk about the hard stuff that makes marriage work? How can marrieds present a more balanced picture of marriage? Share your thoughts in Comments!