About Ngina Otiende
Hi friend!
I’m Ngina (pronounced NGAY-nuh, hard “G”) and I’m a certified marriage coach, author, and blogger.
Through my books and courses, coaching, free marriage library, and articles in this site I help women find clarity so they can address problems with courage and confidence. I examine unhealthy relationship advice and how elevating the marriage institution above individual welfare has harmed us.
I believe that you are meant to thrive. And “thriving” might look different depending on the dynamics of your relationship.
Our Story
Sixteen years ago, my husband and I waddled into marriage, fresh-off Singles Highway. We were filled with grand ideas and bucket-loads of expectations.
Most of which were great. Unfortunately, we were a mess. We loved each other but we were immature and carrying wounds from the past.
For a long time, we enabled unhealthy behavior. We were passive-aggressive. We expected instant results for ingrained individual habits. Our communication broke down so often we wondered if we made a mistake getting married.
Eventually, we figured out that a great marriage is made up of two healthy individuals. So over the years, we began to get healthy through addressing values, boundaries, accountability and taking personal responsibility.
The Shift
Back when my marriage was a bustling construction zone, I learned to focus on the one person I could control. Myself. My husband needed to grow too but I discovered I couldn’t change him. So I learned to hold my space and keep my spouse accountable.
And because accountability, boundaries, and personal growth worked for our relationship, for years, my approach was to help wives in those areas too.
What I didn’t realize was that women married to chronically problematic men would read my words and double down, working on themselves as if they were the problem.
And so in 2022, I made a shift which I outline in this blog post Why I’ve Deleted My Books, Courses, and Over 200 Blog Posts
I am pro-HEALTHY-marriage, not just pro-marriage. On this site, we talk about healthy marriages and we also call out unhealthy patterns. We discuss problematic teachings that elevate marriage above God’s children and how we can do better.
I typically share fresh insights several times a month on the blog. I share weekly bite-size thoughts and tips with my email subscribers so make sure to sign up for the emails and freebies!
You’ll find me on Facebook @intentionaltoday (daily) and Instagram @NginaOtiende (daily-ish) sharing about unhealthy marriage dynamics, how we can do better and how to actually create a marriage that honors both spouses.
My Books
I’ve written some books.
Courage: Reflections and Liberation for the Hurting Soul:
For women who are tired of harming theology and bad marriage advice.
The Newlyweds: Pursuing Mutuality, Health and Happiness in Marriage:
Get the clarity, discernment and relationships skills you need to co-create a healthy, mutual, connected marriage…without gender-specific roles, 24/7 sacrifice and the death of your personhood. CHECK OUT THE NEWLYWEDS.
Sign up for Marriage Coaching
Get 1:1 support as you navigate marriage and individual problems.
Are you feeling overwhelmed in marriage? Drifting because of unresolved conflict? “Going with the flow” but inside you’re unhappy and wishing for things to be different? Unable to find the words or explain to your spouse what you really want? Feeling unheard? Let me help you. Click here to learn more.
Help for Women in Chronically Hurting Marriages
If your spouse is chronically problematic, please talk to a licensed counselor who is trained in relationship abuse and trauma. Some resources and websites to check out.
- WildernesstoWILD with Sarah McDugal
- Flying Free with Natalie Hoffman
- Abi Akinola
- Confusion to Clarity with Helena Knowlton
- Life Saving Divorce with Gretchen Baskerville
- Heather Elizabeth – Held & Healed
- Betrayal Trauma Recovery
- Bare Marriage with Sheila Gregoire
- Hope For Hurting Wives with MaryEllen Bream
- Ola Mide – When Marriage Hurts
- If you’re in danger, call an emergency hotline in your country. Canada: 800.799.SAFE (7233). United States: 1-800-621-HOPE (4673). United Kingdom: 08 08 16 89 111. Australia: 1800 015 188. New Zealand: 0800 456 450. Kenya: 0-800-720-072. Nigeria: 0800 033 3333. South Africa: 0800 428 428. United States: Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 988
Resources and Training For Churches
Disclaimer:
Ngina Otiende is a professional marriage coach and writer. She is not a licensed therapist or mental health care provider. She provides no diagnosis, therapy, counseling, treatment or mental care services. No promises regarding the outcome of life or relationships is given or implied. All decisions belong to the reader. If expert and licensed assistance is required, the services of a licensed professional should be sought.