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Sometimes in evangelical churches, people are a means to an end. Pastors approach pastoring from a numbers or “growth” perspective. Instead of a shepherd-who-CARES-and-NURTURES-people mindset. I spent years in a high-demand, high-control church in Kenya (where I’m from), a church plant by an American missionary couple. One thing that was always in short supply in…
Sometimes, the problem in Christian marriages is that one person is encouraged to have a “team mindset” while the other is allowed to carry along, unconfronted about their self-centeredness. Sometimes, the problem is that one partner absorbs all the responsibilities of relating while the other “enjoys” the benefits. The gap between what happens to us…
I grew up in a culture where it was frowned upon to be “contrary” to the man in a marriage relationship. I watched my mom defer to my dad and observed many women, moms of my friends, also “defer” to the men in their lives, some of whom were irresponsible, absent and violent. In my…
Recently, I saw post about suffering and the author argued how people suffer “because they choose suffering” and stay stuck “because they decided to stay stuck.” It’s not the first time I’ve seen the argument. Today I want to share some thoughts on it. Right out of the gate, I want to state that I…
I wish those who think I’m hard on marriage could read the messages I receive or spend time in the comments on my (and other advocates’) social media and blogs. I wish all Christians could understand the profound impact of coercion and dominance: How intimate partner terrorism wrecks the mind, soul, and body, and the…
Why do pastors struggle to support abuse victims? The church is supposed to be a pillar of truth and refuge for the hurting. But quite often, faith spaces are a thorn to the suffering and a comfort to perpetrators. Many churches are unsafe for those fleeing abusive relationships and environments.1 So how can pastors who…