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Periodically, I get told I’m pessimistic about marriage, or I’m overly critical of husbands, or I’m setting unrealistic marriage standards. All that because I approach marriage teaching through the lens of safety and health. But I’m not the only one: Everyone I know who prioritizes safety and health in relationships has been accused of not…
Last week on Instagram, I had a couple of people argue against Christians divorcing for abuse reasons. I engaged with one Commenter in particular but later changed my mind and deleted the thread as it became clear the winding discourse was not helpful, especially for readers in coercive/violent marriages. Victims and survivors already receive enough…
Is my marriage healthy? I’ve interacted with individuals who believed it is an overreaction to explore whether a marriage is safe or not. They believed no marriage would survive if we all analyzed power and control dynamics or unchanging negative habits in marriage. That no spouse would survive such deep levels of scrutiny. I believe…
As I write this, it is the day after Easter Sunday. For many, the weekend came with a lot more than a healthy reflection of Christ and His work among us. How was your weekend? Was it filled with messages of how Christ loves and draws close those who do Him harm? And (directly stated or not)…
A while back, I wrote about how marriage-centered advice can lead to harm, and people-centered advice leads to safety and growth. I explored how in the Christian evangelical/conservative circles, life is often approached through the institutional lens (“the church,” “the kingdom of God,” “the marriage covenant,” e.t.c.) Thus everything becomes about developing and maintaining the…
Husband wants praise: Does she owe him? Will his self-esteem wither and die if she doesn’t affirm him? Will he go fishing for glory outside his marriage if he’s not getting it at home? That’s what evangelical and other conservative faith communities that center maleness have told women. They’ve said men need respect.1 And one of…