Had Enough of Marriage Conspiracies? How to Identify What’s Real

“How is marriage?” After a few months of being married, I found this question was as common as my morning cup of tea.

I now know what folks wanted to hear: that marriage is fun and exciting and that I was on the upswing every single day.

Unfortunately, while marriage was sweet and exciting, it also had its not-so-fun downs. But still, I found myself telling people what they wanted to hear: “Oh, it’s great!”

I was taught not to “air dirty laundry in public.” Granted, it’s helpful to understand what is suitable for the public and what is not, but I would soon find the pressure to present marriage as overly rosy—plus the lack of nuance in marriage conversations—exhausting.

It wasn’t long before I realized that many newlyweds go through what I call the “irritating questions” phase.

That’s the season when friends and family and strangers want to know everything about everything, from checking out your non-pregnant stomach and asking about the non-existent baby to evaluating your weight and making unwarranted assumptions about your happiness. (These were my personal experiences, served with a side of Kenyan culture!)

Of Marriage Conspiracies and Finding Truth

As a new bride, I came to the quick realization that a healthy marriage is built on more than holding hands and putting on smiley faces: it involves engaging with and working out the finer details of relationship building like two maturing adults.

But sometimes, though, “engaging with and working out the finer details of relationship building like two maturing adults” is not exactly what some spouses sign up for. Some partners come into a relationship seeking the benefits but avoid taking on the responsibilities.

Other times, a partner want to love well, but they have all this baggage they need to work through, but the church, family, friends or the larger culture say, “That’s just how men are,” or “That’s just how marriage is..stop nitpicking!”

My husband and I found ourselves in the latter group. We both wanted to do better, but we lacked the skills and nuanced understanding of individual responsibility in marriage. We are not alone in this.

Maybe deep down, you also believe marriage is meant to be a good thing, not a burden that worsens life, but the people around you seem to follow a different script.

I know I wanted people to understand both the joys of marriage as well as the intentionality of it so they quit pressuring me to present a one-dimensional view of reality.

Enter The Newlyweds.

It’s the book I wish I’d had at the beginning of my marriage. It’s the practical, evidence-backed know-how every woman needs as she enters this exciting season of her life.

It’s the book every women needs when she’s trying to figure out whether her marriage is healthy or not. It’s the affirmation I wished I’d been given as a new bride exploring the unfamiliar territory of “totally in love” and “sometimes in turmoil.”

I remember talking to a friend and asking her how she and her husband navigated conflict. Her response was, “We don’t have conflict.” Yeah. Marriage conspiracies.

I want better for you. I want you to feel affirmed as you navigate growth-related challenges in your relationship and confident that you can navigate them with the right strategies and mindsets.

And I want you to know when a marriage simply isn’t working. Marriage books can speak to both types of readers: those in chronically hurting marriages and those in kind-hearted but struggling marriages.

This week only, the Ebook version is going for $8.99, the Paperback for $9.99 and the Hardcover for $17.99! The price will go up this Friday, February 14th, 2025 at 4 PM Central Time.

Of Marriage Conspiracies and Finding Truth

The Newlyweds is chock-full of actionable wisdom from experience, training, research, and vetted thought leaders to help you break free from the burdens women have been told are theirs to carry. This is not your typical newlywed book, filled with overly rosy summations of relationships and marriage. Instead, it presents a nuanced picture to help you untangle some of the popular but unhelpful thoughts about marriage that prove problematic in real life.

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