Why God Will Not Change a Marriage When a Spouse Clings to Harmful Ways

Biblical advice for marriage problems is a common search phrase in online search engines.

Christians want to know what God says about marriage problems.

Whenever I write about free will and how God does not override it to change a marriage, I get comments like “Let’s not limit God”  or “How about Paul?” Or “Nebuchadnezzer?”

Here’s the thing.  We can talk about God’s ability until the cows come home but the reality is, there’d be no marriage if all it took was God.

WE, human beings, not God, went on dates.

We wooed and pursued.

WE decided to get married.

WE gave those commitments.

WE made the promises.

WE get to choose if to honor our spouse.

WE choose fidelity.

WE choose respect and kindness.

WE decide whether to grow and take personal responsibility.

We choose to bear lasting fruit.

WE CHOOSE.

Not God.

Biblical Advice for Marriage Problems

Relationships are not nebulous objects that exist without humans or the engagement of the same.  A marriage cannot exist without the humans. Literally.

So I hope we can agree. God did not get married. WE did. And He cannot force us to stay married.

Those Bible characters we love to bring up could have chosen not to have a change of heart. God revealed Himself to them but they had a say in whether to go along with the revealed path of God.

Or not. God did not turn them into robots so they could do whatever He wanted. Rather, they cooperated with Him. They humbled themselves.

Ultimately, they saw where change was needed. So the conversation should not be “Can God change people?” because we know He can. It should be “People can resist God’s nudges and opportunities to change. What should we do then?”

Hardheartedness and resistance is why texts like I Cor 5:9-13 Ephesians 5:3‭-‬13 exist. These affirm what God hardwired in us to know.

That  we are not created to suffer in the hands of abusive, unfaithful, uncaring, unrepentant people. Our bodies and emotions and and minds, when at a healthy place, know when something is off. And we have Scripture to back up what our bodies know is truth.

So no, it’s not that God cannot change a marriage, it’s that we need to cooperate with Him for Him to. We need to engage. Not bypass our responsibility.

The free will actually what makes a healthy marriage possible to begin with. Individuals make consistent choices to honor and cherish the person they are with. Owning where they go wrong and repenting and growing and bearing fruit when they go off.

Continue Reading: Part 2: Seriously, God Does Not Change People Who Don’t Want to Change

Unholy Fruit | Your WILD Guide to Discerning Toxic Character | Workshop with Sarah McDugal

Are you in a chronically problematic marriage? Or perhaps you know someone who is and you desire to support them.

In this Workshop and Checklist (affiliate link), Coach Sarah McDugal empowers your ability to discern the Fruit of an UNholy spirit. If you have felt confused by the dissonance between someone’s pious  words and their exploitative actions, this workshop offers clarity and  some possible next steps in your healing journey. Click here to check it out.