Does God Hate Divorce?

Does God hate divorce? Many Christians believe He does.

They believe (or act as if) divorce is something harmed spouses came up with.

They say divorce is often pursued by those who refused to persevere normal marriage issues, that it’s a path borne out of randomness and boredom.

But they couldn’t be more wrong.

The One who created marriage also allowed the Exit when people are harmed.

The way God created marriage, the way He intended it to function, was two individuals deeply in communion with each other and their connection abounding in safety, peace, honor, fidelity, hope, and happiness. 

A depth, togetherness, and closeness so deep and rich it could only be described as one flesh. Two decent, kindhearted individuals, willing to explore and address their growth areas and willing to live repentant lives with long-term fruit to show.

Contrary to popular belief, God’s design for marriage does not have power, control, or exploitation as a system of operation. We know that because these very things are anti His nature. Because Choice. 

He created human beings with the ability to pick between different options. That ability to act on a preferred choice enables that function of healthy relating. When you remove choice, the result is slavery, not a relationship.

Our power to choose is to be exercised to prefer good, not evil. Choice is still choice, though, so harmful people use the same ability everyone has. They just choose harm instead of good.

If God created us to be robots, then we’d say yes, marriage is an outflow of how God meant things to be, and therefore yes, marriage is all about power and control. 

But that’s not how our Creator made us and, thus, not how our relationships ought to be. When we believe otherwise, the flawed beliefs lead to harm, as we explored in this 3-part series Are Husbands and Wives Equal? Exploring Evangelical Teachings on Submission in Marriage.

When a spouse exerts themselves over the other, when unrepentance and hardness of heart form the undercurrents of a relationship, when a married individual has to choose between existing as a whole human being or preserving a marriage, Exit is allowed.

No one I’ve heard of thinks our Creator is in error for allowing an Exit when there’s harm.

Unfortunately, those who faithfully follow His heart and embrace the profound truth that they are loved and cherished (abuse, betrayal, and neglect are gross injustices) are shamed, questioned, judged, and punished.

The truth remains, Exit is mercy. A divorce that is life-saving is mercy.

Does God Hate Divorce? Retiring“The Bible is Clear” Phrase

“But the Bible is clear that God hates divorce” is a common response when survivors and advocates discuss divorce.

First, I think “the Bible is clear” is an overused, often inaccurate phrase we need to retire. For the simple reason that many of the things we claim the Bible is clear about aren’t that clear. And sometimes they are unclear because 

• We are pulling everything out of historical and literary context
• The author wasn’t clear
• Our exploration and understanding are not centered on the truth of the Person of Jesus Christ – His completed work and what that means for us today.

Back to the “God hates divorce” phrase. When people say “God hates divorce”, they believe they are quoting the words of prophet Malachi in Malachi 2: 16.

The truth is Malachi 2:16 is not God hating divorce. It is God calling out the men for being traitorous to their wives.

God was rebuking the men for “putting away” their wives – sending them away without the proper divorce document. The lack of an appropriate divorce decree from the husband made her life incredibly harder, stripped of agency, including being able to marry again in the future if she so chose.

When you think about it, “putting away” sounds awfully like the “separate but not divorce” policy by some churches today. 

PS. Churches who tell wounded, neglected, betrayed spouses they can separate but must stay chained to their tormenter are doing the devil’s work, not God’s. Jesus is a liberator. (Luke 4;18,19) If you claim to represent Him but do the opposite of what He does when people are being harmed, you are a wolf in sheep’s skin, a devil’s mouthpiece.

Recent Bible translations have changed to a more faithful interpretation of the original language as more clarity and supportive information from the time of Malachi’s writing has surfaced. (See What God Hates More than Divorce (Malachi 2:16)

The latest NIV translation of Malachi 2:16 reads , “The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the Lord Almighty.”

Again, the original words for “divorce,” in this instance, is “putting away,” without proper documentation, not the proper divorce, as God had allowed.

Bottom line: Let’s remember Malachi 2:16 God is calling out the men for being traitorous. He is not hating divorce.

So our answer to Does God hate divorce? question ought to stay in the neighborhood of “The One who created marriage also allowed an Exit when people are harmed.”

Continue Reading

• Dear Christians, Divorce is Not The First Thing She Thinks About (Here’s Why)
• The Problem with Churches Asking Couples to Commit to “No Divorce”
• If Her Abusive Husband is in Recovery, Shouldn’t a Wife Stay?
• Do Women Leave Marriage For Petty Reasons?
• Why the Church Won’t Condemn The Wickedness that Leads to Divorce (Plus an Abuser’s Chain of Reaction)
• Should Divorce Be The Very Last Option For Women in Destructive Marriages?
• “But Why Doesn’t She Just Leave Him?” 40 Reasons Women Stay in Destructive Marriages