21 Easy Tips For The Newlywed Husband To Strengthen Marriage

Easy tips for the newlywed husband might sound like an exaggeration, considering that marriage is not always easy.

But I believe the approaches we take can make the relationship feel easier, especially when we are just beginning our journey together.

Last week I wrote about 27 Best Pieces of Advice for the Newlywed Wife, and so many resonated with the ideas in the post.

So I thought I’d shift gears and offer tips for the newlywed husband because it takes two to create a great marriage!

I asked my husband to go through these points, so these are guy-adopted!

Since I write to newlywed wives, many husbands might read this post after a lovely suggestion from their wives! Thank you guys for taking time to learn and grow!

Without further ado, here we go.

Please note: the thoughts below are meant for marriages of goodwill, where both husband and wife are committed to love, honor and serve one another. If you’re spouse is uncommitted to growth and change, you might be in an unhealthy marriage. Please see this page for resources that can help.

21 Tips For The Newlywed Husband

Here are 21 things every newlywed husband needs to know

1. Her  ups and downs are not always a reflection of who you are

Like any human being experiencing massive change, a newlywed wife might have some ups and downs. As their spouse, you might want to be a source of calm and comfort to her world. Which is great.

Until you can’t.

As you paddle through the newlywed season together, remember you have limits as to how much you can realistically influence each others worlds. You’re still two distinct individuals with your own individual limits and responsibilities.

2. You don’t have to be a perfect man to be a great husband

A healthy newlywed wife is not looking for perfection from her husband. She’s looking for his healthy presence. Your presence.

Due to how society socializes men, you might be tempted to board up and lock the gates of your heart when you fall short or don’t know what to do. Fight the urge and learn how to be a safe, healthy man. Let her in.

3. Love God

Sometimes we expect our spirituality to look the same.

Do you. Keep growing.

Ultimately that is what God expects and what you need.

4. Don’t escape growth pains

Being a healthy married man is hard on some days.

When it gets hard, you might be tempted to make a beeline for the “tried and true” thing – the predictable, controllable thing that feeds your soul.

It is great to grow, have a career, hobbies and friends, but resist the temptation to use these things  as an escape from the unfamiliar and uncomfortable at the home.

If you do, you create an unhealthy pattern that will be hard to break away from in the future.

Instead of medicating the problems, find ways to face and navigate them i.e see a licensed marriage counselor. You will not be perfect at first but the more you practice acceptance, over escapism, the easier it will be to address marriage problems.

5. Find mentors

God did not create you to do life alone; He wired you for community.

To grow and thrive as a man and husband, you need to learn (or at least observe) how it is done. Seek other men with healthy values, men who love and honor their wives.

6. Clean up

Women are not the only ones with the tendency to “let go” after the wedding. Men are guilty as well! We’re all human beings with the capacity to get overly comfortable.

Here’s the thing, if you want her to “be that girl you married,” it is only fair you make the effort to be “that guy she married.”

Remain the gentleman she fell in love with. Watch your manners, take a shower, brush your teeth, change clothes, dab some deodorant, keep up with general hygiene!

7. Serving and honoring your wife is a challenge to be accepted, not an option to be dissected and discarded

Submitting to and partnering with your wife has got nothing to do with your ability. At its core, its about a mutual love for one another.

As a healthy newlywed husband, you’ll have moments, opportunities perhaps, to hold back instead of show up for yourself and for her.

You’ll need to remember that God knew about any weaknesses before He called you to submit to one another.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21 NIV

8. Your wife is an equal partner

Your wife is an equal and a very able partner. Marriage is two whole people becoming one-healthy unit.

9. Sex is important to her too

Some husbands might have a more urgent need for sex but they are not the only ones with sexual desires. Wives long to connect deeply and intimately too.

But husbands and wives are wired differently, and it is important to begin to learn and accept these differences, even explore how they help you become better spouses.

Slow down. Give her lots of TLC. Become a student of her in and outside the bedroom. Make sure to pick up The Wedding Night book to help you and your wife navigate sex in marriage.

If you have any sexual challenges, like low libido, understand it happens to other newlywed men too. You are not alone. Here’s a post with more information on low libido in men.

A man’s libido can be affected by stress, medical conditions, lower testosterone e.t.c. Seek help, talk to someone, see a doctor.

10. Never stop pursuing her

If you wrote her poems and gave her flowers, she hopes for those to continue in marriage. It might feel effortlessness in the early days, but those honeymoon bumps can zap the chivalry right out of your mind.

When your efforts seem unappreciated and unnoticed, don’t throw in the towel. Have those hard conversations. Get into counseling.

11. Fight for your relationship

Run towards her, not from her. Sometimes healthy spouses might look like the enemy but make up your mind – arouse that dogged determination – that your marriage is worth fighting for.

Ps: You can’t be the only one fighting for your marriage. A healthy marriage is mutual. If your spouse has checked out of the marriage, you can’t check in on their behalf. Please see a licensed counselor if this is your situation. Also read these posts.

12. You don’t have to connect all the dots

Sometimes a healthy spouse just wants a listening ear, not answers. Then there are days she wants you to connect the dots and support her. It is a fine line, something that confounds some husbands.

I would like to say welcome to the club, but the most appropriate thing is to let you that the more you live with her, the more you will grow in your understanding of each others needs.

You might also want to read this article and be inspired by how one husband has grown in this area.

13. Work is a beautiful thing but it’s not the only thing

You might want to meet your wife’s dreams and longings and consequently hope for her understanding when you work long and hard.

While making a living and working hard is a powerful and noble thing, remember she needs you more than she needs stuff. You both need each other more than you need all the stuff.

14. When you think you’ve blown it

There’s always a second, third, fourth, endless chances.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy. Proverbs 28:13

15. When you are angry

We all have the capacity to feel anger because it’s a normal human emotion. It’s what we do when we are angry that matters. We need to listen to our emotions and figure out what they are telling us.

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20

15. When you struggle with pride

Marriage tends to reveal more of who we are. The things that are revealed are meant to be dealt with. Blaming your spouse for exposing your true self is not the way to go about growth.

You might feel more prickly in marriage because you have opened your heart in ways you’ve never done before. When your pride is bruised, seek the humble road.

Admit where you are wrong, say “I am sorry.” Grow from that season.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Philippians 2:3-5

Pride brings a person low, but the lowly in spirit gain honor. Proverbs 29:23

15. When marriage feels impossible

No one ever moved forward while looking backwards. You can’t create a healthy marriage while longing for the past.

You’ll have plenty of moments when being single will feel more attractive, seasons when you’ll feel like you made a mistake getting married.

But can I tell you the truth? The former days are not always the better days. The best days are the ones we create today.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19

For no word from God will ever fail. Luke 1:37

16. When you need wisdom

Marriage is a school. The best spouses are the ones who assume the mindset of a student.

You are not inferior for not knowing it all. Look around you, every married person is learning something. Welcome to married life.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; Proverbs 3:5

Areas to Focus on as a Newlywed Husband

17. Prayer

Prayer changes us. It reveals things about us that we didn’t even know. Pray for yourself and for your bride.

‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’ Jeremiah 33:3

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. 1 John 5:14-15

18. One of the most important tips for the newlywed husband is prioritizing the Word of God

Become a student of God’s word like your marriage depends on it because it does.

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God  may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17

Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.Matthew 4:4

19. Your wife

On healthy marriages:

Love is not a feeling, it’s a choice.I am not trying to be a purveyor of gloom, just speaking from years of experience with my guy: even for healthy marriages, sometimes the mushy feelings of love can disappear.

And when that happens, you will need to practice love. You don’t need to feel all the “right feelings” to do the right thing.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her Ephesians 5:25

Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love Ecclesiastes 9:9a

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. Proverbs 5:18

20. Community

You need other healthy men. Men of substance and men of value. Men who challenge you to be better. Get plugged in.

For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them. Matthew 18:20

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12

21. Purpose

People don’t drift to a healthy, vibrant, purpose-filled life. They work themselves there. Sit down and have those conversations about where you are going as individuals and as a couple. Have a plan. And then work the plan.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay. Habakkuk 2:3 (ESV)

I hope these tips for the newlywed husband encourage you in this newlywed season!

*Wives remember to forward the post to the man in your life or other newlywed men you know! Also use the the social media buttons below to share with friends.

Bible verses from – New International Version (NIV) Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Pexel image by Avone Stalling