Easy tips for the newlywed husband might sound like an exaggeration, considering that marriage is not always easy.
But I believe the approaches we take can make the relationship feel easier, especially when we are just beginning our journey together.
Last week I wrote about 27 Best Pieces of Advice for the Newlywed Wife, and so many resonated with the ideas in the post.
So I thought I’d shift gears and offer tips for the newlywed husband because it takes two to create a great marriage!
I asked my husband to go through these points, so these are guy-adopted!
Since I write to newlywed wives, many husbands might read this post after a lovely suggestion from their wives! Thank you guys for taking time to learn and grow!
Without further ado, here we go
21 Tips For The Newlywed Husband
Here are 21 things every newlywed husband needs to know
1. Her issues are not a reflection of who you are
Newlywed wives have emotional ups and downs; they cry, fret, stress and talk. As a newlywed husband, you might want to soothe and calm her world.
And you will feel frustrated when you can’t. Or when she resists.
As you paddle through the newlywed season together, remember she’s different. Her ups and downs, her pains (which you can’t fix) are not a reflection of your ability or proficiency.
You are okay. It is not always about you.
2. You don’t have to be a perfect man to be a great husband
A newlywed wife is not looking for perfection from her husband (most of the time anyways haha) She’s looking for his presence. Your presence.
She wants to know you are there, no matter what.
You will be tempted to board up and lock the gates of your heart when you fall short or don’t know what to do. Fight the urge, let her in.
She longs for your presence; that you’ll stay, you’ll begin to be vulnerable, you’ll start to trust her. When you don’t have anything to offer, that you’ll still offer you.
Here’s what I have learned after 12 years of marriage: a newlywed wife might not yet understand the effort it takes to be present and not run, when everything within you feels like a failure. Hopefully, over time, she will begin to understand.
For now, forgive her, accept her and fight to stay.
3. Your love for God will inspire and increase her love for you
Nothing is more attractive to a newlywed wife than her man in full pursuit of his Creator.
No, unfortunately, she might have super high expectations about your spirituality; chiefly, expecting your spirituality to look the same as hers.
Next to her sparkly emotive faith, yours might look diminutive, even weak. Don’t allow her (and your) high expectations to frustrate your pursuit of God.
Ultimately that is what God expects and what your marriage needs.
4. Don’t escape growth pains
Wooing her was hard? Try being a good husband!
Being a healthy married man is harder, on some days.
When it gets hard, you might be tempted to make a beeline for the “tried and true” thing – the predictable, controllable thing that feeds your soul.
It is great to grow, have a career, hobbies and friends, but resist the temptation to use these things as an escape from the unfamiliar and uncomfortable at the home.
If you do, you create an unhealthy pattern that will be hard to break away from in the future.
Instead of medicating the problems, find ways to face and navigate them. You will not be perfect at first but the more you practice acceptance, over escapism, the easier it will be to address marriage problems.
5. Find mentors
Men do not gravitate towards community the way most women do. But God did not create you to do life alone; He wired you for community as well.Men do not gravitate towards community the way most women do. But God did not create you to do life alone; He wired you for community as well.
To grow and thrive as a man and husband, you need to learn (or at least observe) how it is done. Seek other men with healthy values, men who love and honor their wives.
Surround yourself with men who have healthy marriages and cut out unsavory influences.
6. Clean up
Women are not the only ones with the tendency to “let go” after the wedding. Men are guilty as well!
Here’s the thing, if you want her to “that girl you married,” it is only fair you make the effort to be “that guy she married.”
Watch your manners, take a shower, brush your teeth, change clothes, dab some deodorant, keep up with general hygiene.
Remain the gentleman she fell in love with.
7. Serving and honoring your wife is a challenge to be accepted, not an option to be dissected and discarded
Your role to serve and partner with your wife has got nothing to do with your ability. Serving leadership in marriage, at its core, is about obedience to God.
As a newlywed husband, you’ll have moments, many many opportunities, to hold back instead of show up for duty.
You’ll need to remember that God knew about your weaknesses before He called you to serve your marriage and home.
He didn’t call your pastor or small group leader to be that godly servant in your home. He called you.
Being a servant leader in your home is a challenge to be accepted, not an option to analyzed and opted out of whenever you feel unqualified.
Don’t look sideways at others, don’t look inward to yourself; look upwards to Him who called you to do this. He will help you and make you who He wants you to be.
8. Your wife is an equal partner
Just because you are a servant leader doesn’t mean she’s inferior, less in value or can’t hold her own.
She is equal and a very able partner. She is a co-partner, a combination of beauty, brains and unique strength that will surprise you and enthrall you.
Marriage is two whole people becoming one-healthy unit.
9. Sex is important to her too
Most husbands might have a more urgent need for sex but they are not the only ones with sexual desires.
Wives long to connect deeply and intimately too.
But husbands and wives are wired differently, and it is important to begin to learn and accept these differences, even explore how they help you become better spouses.
Slow down. Give her lots of TLC. Become a student of her in and outside the bedroom. You will notice that as you focus on her needs, yours will be met in the process.
Make sure to pick up The Wedding Night book to help you and your wife navigate sex in marriage.
If you have any sexual challenges, like low libido, understand it happens to other newlywed men too. You are not alone. Here’s a post with more information on low libido in men.
A man’s libido can be affected by stress, medical conditions, lower testosterone e.t.c. Seek help, talk to someone, see a doctor.
10. Never stop pursuing your her
You will need to train your mind to pursue something (someone) you already captured. Your wife will never stop wanting to be pursued.
If you wrote her poems and gave her flowers, she hopes for those to continue in marriage. It might feel effortlessness in the early days, but those awful honeymoon bumps can zap the chivalry right out of your mind.
When your efforts seem unappreciated and unnoticed, don’t throw in the towel. Remember the example of Christ who He never gave up on us, His bride.
11. Fight for your relationship
Run towards her, not away from her. She will look like the enemy (especially when she wakes you at 2 am “to talk”.)
Make up your mind – arouse that dogged determination – that your marriage is worth fighting for.
12. You don’t have to connect all the dots
Sometimes she wants a listening ear, not answers. Then there are days she wants you to connect the dots and help her. It is a fine line, something that confounds most husbands.
I would like to say welcome to the club, but the most appropriate thing is to let you that the more you live with her, the more you will grow in your understanding of her and her needs.
You might also want to read this article and be inspired by how one husband has grown in this area.
13. Work is a beautiful thing but it’s not the only thing
You will want to meet your wife’s dreams and longings and consequently hope for her understanding when you work long and hard.
While making a living and working hard is a powerful and noble thing, remember she needs you more than she needs stuff.
You can give her all the stuff in the world, but it can’t replace you. She married you, not the stuff.
More Tips For The Newlywed Husband From the Bible
14. When you think you’ve blown it
There’s always a second, third, fourth, endless chances. Don’t give up: show up and try again.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy. Proverbs 28:13
15. When you are angry
We all have the capacity to feel anger because it’s a normal human emotion. It’s what we do when we are angry that matters.
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20
15. When you struggle with pride
Marriage tends to reveal more of who we are. The things that are revealed are meant to be dealt with. Blaming your spouse for exposing your true self is not the way to go about growth.
You might feel more prickly in marriage because you have opened your heart in ways you’ve never done before. When your pride is bruised, seek the humble road.
Admit where you are wrong, say “I am sorry.” Grow from that season.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Philippians 2:3-5
Pride brings a person low, but the lowly in spirit gain honor. Proverbs 29:23
15. When marriage feels impossible
No one ever moved forward while looking backwards. You can’t create a healthy marriage while longing for the past.
You’ll have plenty of moments when being single will feel more attractive, seasons when you’ll feel like you made a mistake getting married.
But can I tell you the truth? The former days are not the best days. The best days are the ones we create today.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19
For no word from God will ever fail. Luke 1:37
16. When you need wisdom
Marriage is a school. The best spouses are the ones who assume the mindset of a student.
You are not inferior for not knowing it all. Look around you, every married person is learning something. Welcome to married life.
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; Proverbs 3:5
Areas to Focus on as a Newlywed Husband
Prayer changes us. It reveals things about us that we didn’t even know. Pray for yourself and for your bride.
‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’ Jeremiah 33:3
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. 1 John 5:14-15
18. One of the most important tips for the newlywed husband is prioritizing the Word of God
Become a student of God’s word like your marriage depends on it because it does.
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17
Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.Matthew 4:4
19. Your wife
Love is not a feeling, it’s a choice.
I am not trying to be a purveyor of gloom, just speaking from years of experience with my guy: someday in the future, your feelings will decide she is not worthy of your love and affection.
You will needs to decide, right this minute, that you will practice love, even when you don’t feel it. You see, you don’t need to feel feelings to do the right thing. Do the right thing with her and your marriage will thank you for it.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her Ephesians 5:25
Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love Ecclesiastes 9:9a
May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. Proverbs 5:18
You need other men. Men of substance and men with high values. Men who challenge you to be better. Get plugged in.
For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them. Matthew 18:20
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12
People don’t drift to a healthy, vibrant, purpose-filled life. They work themselves there. Sit down and have those conversations about where you are going as individuals and as a couple. Have a plan. And then work the plan.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay. Habakkuk 2:3 (ESV)
I hope these tips for the newlywed husband encourage you in this newlywed season!
*Wives remember to forward the post to the man in your life or other newlywed men you know! Also use the the social media buttons below to share with friends.
Guys, grow and thrive in this newlywed season! Consider gifting yourself and your wife with a copy of my book Blues to Bliss: Creating Your Happily Ever After in the Early Years. I wrote it specifically for the newlywed wife who longs for a great relationship but struggles to develop the mindset and habits needed to grow a strong marriage. But the book also offers great tips for the newlywed husband because a good married takes two! Buy it here Amazon I Nook I PDF
Linking with Messy Marriage
Bible verses from – New International Version (NIV) Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
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