Last week I wrote a post titled 27 Best Pieces of Advice for the Newlywed Wife, and many wives resonated with the thoughts.
Today I want to shift my focus and talk to the newlywed husband because it takes two to create a great marriage.
I asked my husband to go through these points, so these are guy-adopted!
Since I write to newlywed and early wed wives, many husbands will read this post after a lovely suggestion from their wives! Thank you for taking time to read!
Without further ado, here they are;
21 Things Every Newlywed Husband Needs to Know
1. Her issues are not a reflection of who you are
Newlywed wives have emotional ups and downs; they cry, fret, stress and talk. As a newlywed husband, you will want to soothe your wife and calm her world.
And you will feel frustrated when you can’t.
As you paddle through the newlywed season together, remember she’s different. Her ups and downs, her pains (which you can’t fix) are not a reflection of your ability or proficiency.
You are okay. It is not about you.
2. You don’t have to be a perfect man to be a great husband
A newlywed wife is not looking for perfection from her husband (most of the time anyways.) She’s looking for his presence. Your presence.
She wants to know you are there, no matter what.
You will be tempted to board up and lock the gates of your heart when you fall short or don’t know what to do. Fight the urge, let her in.
She longs for your presence; that you’ll stay, you’ll begin to be vulnerable, you’ll start to trust her. When you don’t have anything to offer, offer you.
As a newlywed wife, she doesn’t yet understand the effort it takes to be present and not run. Hopefully, over time, she will begin to understand. For now, forgive her, fight to stay.
3. Your love for God will inspire and increase her love for you.
Nothing attracts a newlywed woman more than her man in full pursuit of God.
Unfortunately, she might have super high expectations of your spirituality; chiefly, expecting your spirituality to look the same as hers.
But next to her sparkly emotive faith, yours might look diminutive, even weak. Don’t allow her (and your) high expectations to frustrate your pursuit of God. Do you.
Ultimately that is what God expects and what your marriage needs.
4. You will feel overwhelmed
Wooing her was hard? Being a good husband to her will be harder, some days.
And you will be tempted to make a beeline for the “tried and true” thing – the predictable, controllable thing that feeds your soul.
It is great to grow and to work but resist the temptation to use work (and other things) as an escape from the unfamiliar and uncomfortable.
You will want to meet your wife’s dreams and longings and consequently hope for her understanding when you work long and hard.
While providing for her is a noble thing, remember she needs you more than she needs stuff. You can give her all the stuff in the world, but it would never replace you. She married you, not stuff.
5. Find mentors
Men do not gravitate towards community the way women do. But God did not create you to do life alone; He wired you for community as well.
To grow and thrive as a man and husband, you need to learn how it is done. Seek other men who love Jesus and their wives.
Surround yourself with men who have healthy marriages. Cut out unsavory influences.
6. Clean up
Women are not the only ones with the tendency to let go after the wedding. Men do too. But if you want her to remain “that girl,” it is only fair you make the effort to remain “that guy.”
Watch your manners, take a shower, brush your teeth, change clothes, dab some deodorant, keep up with general hygiene.
Remain the gentleman she fell in love with.
7. Leading your marriage is a challenge to be accepted, not an option to be dissected and then discarded
Your role in marriage has got nothing to do with your ability. Leadership in marriage, at its core, is about obedience to God.
As a newlywed husband, you’ll have moments, many many opportunities, to slink back instead of show up for duty.
You’ll need to remember that God knew about your weaknesses and inability to lead before He called you to lead.
He didn’t call your wife to lead, she who seems more spiritual. He didn’t call your pastor or small group leader. He called you to set the tone and lead your marriage and home.
Priesthood is a challenge to be accepted, not an option to analyzed and opted out of whenever you feel unqualified.
Don’t look sideways at others, don’t look inward to yourself; look upwards to Him who called you to do this. He will help you and make you a priest of your home.
8. Sex is important to her too
Husbands might have a more urgent need for sex but they are not the only ones with that need. Wives long to connect deeply and intimately too.
But husbands and wives are wired differently, and it is important to begin to learn and accept these differences, even explore how they help you become better spouses.
Slow down. Give her lots of TLC. Become a student of her in and outside the bedroom. You will notice that as you focus on her needs, yours will be more likely met.
If you have any sexual challenges, like low libido, understand it happens to other newlywed men too. You are not alone.
A man’s libido can be affected by stress, medical conditions, lower testosterone e.t.c. Seek help, talk to someone, see a doctor.
Do not be too embarrassed to ask for help. Your willingness to ask for help when you need it is part of proper leadership and stewarding of a home.
9. Pursue her
You will need to train your mind to pursue something (someone) you already captured. Your wife will never stop wanting to be pursued.
If you wrote her poems and gave her flowers, she hopes for those to continue in marriage. It might feel effortlessness in the early days, but those awful honeymoon bumps can zap the chivalry and grace out of you.
When your efforts seem unappreciated and unnoticed, don’t throw in the towel. Remember Christ. He never gives up His bride. And He’s called you never to give up on yours.
10. Fight for your relationship
Run towards her, not away from her. She will look like the enemy (especially when she wakes you at 2 am “to talk” or cries with mascara running down her face.)
Make up your mind – arouse that dogged determination – that your marriage is worth fighting for.
11. You don’t have to connect all the dots.
Sometimes she wants a listening ear, not answers. Then there are days she wants you to connect the dots and help her. It is a fine line, something that confounds most husbands.
I could say welcome to the club, but the most appropriate thing is to let you know you have a Helper, the Holy Spirit; He will lead you into all truth.
You might want to read this article and be inspired by how one husband has grown in this area.
Bible Verses to Hold on to in the Newlywed season
12. When you think you’ve blown it
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy. Proverbs 28:13
13. When you are angry
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20
14. When you struggle with pride
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Philippians 2:3-5
Pride brings a person low, but the lowly in spirit gain honor. Proverbs 29:23
15. When marriage feels impossible
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19
For no word from God will ever fail. Luke 1:37
16. When you need wisdom
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; Proverbs 3:5
Areas to Focus on as a Newlywed Husband
‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’ Jeremiah 33:3
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. 1 John 5:14-15
18. The Word of God
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17
Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.Matthew 4:4
19. Your wife
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her Ephesians 5:25
Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love Ecclesiastes 9:9a
May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. Proverbs 5:18
For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them. Matthew 18:20
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay. Habakkuk 2:3 (ESV)
I hope these thoughts encourage you in this newlywed season!
*Wives remember to forward the post to the man in your life or other newlywed men you know! You can use the social media buttons below!
Guys, help your wife grow and thrive in this newlywed season! Consider gifting her with a copy of my book Blues to Bliss: Creating Your Happily Ever After in the Early Years. I wrote it specifically for the newlywed wife who longs for a great relationship but struggles to develop the mindset and habits needed to grow a strong marriage. The book is written for the imperfect woman who is married to an imperfect man. Click here to learn more and find purchase links.
Linking with Messy Marriage