I am in the early stages of developing a brand new resource for newlywed women, (update, it’s now out! Check it out here) and I have found myself pondering over the advice I received as a newlywed wife.
I had the most amazing marriage mentors so most of the advice I received as a newlywed wife was sound.
But because newlyweds are advice magnets, I also heard things that made my toes curl – idle remarks from strangers, thoughtless exclamations, unflattering marriage jokes that fell flat but stuck to my head.
Today, I want to help you, newlywed wife, sort through some of that stuff and affirm the great stuff you already know.
As I wrote this post, I had a fresh revelation as to why we need to cultivate a “newlywed mindset”; it is the only soil in which the freshness and sweetness of marriage (which we all crave) can blossom!
So no matter what season you are in, newlywed or an oldie, I hope these tips inspire you to look at your marriage differently!
Without further ado, here they are;
Please note these thoughts are intended for couples in healthy marriages. If you’re in highly problematic marriage, please check out this page for resources that might help.
27 Things Every Newlywed Wife In A Healthy Marriage Needs to Know
1. Make Christ your foundation.
You’ll want to have a spouse-centered marriage. But keep Christ at the center. Create a Christ-centered marriage where you both run to God for issues of worth and identity.
2. Remember what brought you together
He married you because you were that girl. She married him because he was that guy. The longer you’re married, the more you’ll need to remember all the fabulous qualities that brought you together.
3. Forgive each other. And yourself
You will fail. He will fail. Don’t allow today’s failure to rob you of your best version tomorrow.
4. Keep talking
You can weather any storm together as long as both your hearts are open, ready to hear and do the work.
5. Have fun
The happiest couples find things to laugh about, be silly about. The key word here is find. The fun doesn’t happen by itself. Not for the long-term anyways. Find it continuously.
6. Make love
Sex isn’t everything in marriage. But it is important. Fight for healthy intimacy. Get healthy by reading resources like The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Gregoire.
7. Your first normal disagreement is not the end of your healthy marriage
8. Don’t avoid conflict (those moments you can’t see eye to eye)
Don’t sweep issues under the carpet in the hope of “keeping the peace.” Peace is not the absence of conflict; it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means – Ronald Reagan.
Lovingly, respectfully learn to share concerns. When the temperature ticks upward, agree to take a break, pick up the conversation later.
But don’t bury feelings in the name of being a “good Christian wife.” Good Christian wives talk about what is in their hearts. Good Christian men speak up.
9. It’s okay to be different
Remember you’re two people joining you’re worlds together. Talk, grow, give grace.
10. Get ready for post-wedding blues
You might not understand it, but dating, pursuing, planning, the wedding, the honeymoon is one long emotional high. Get ready for the “now what?” after a couple of weeks or months.
It sneaks up on you and might not come in the form of the question I just stated.
It might come in the shape of a little unsettling deep in your soul, a ticking in your stomach as you adjust to the simplicity, normal-hood, everyday-ness of marriage.
You are right to notice the difference between the pre-marriage you and the post-marriage you. It’s a good thing. Welcome it, and embrace it. This is marriage; creating a brand new normal together.
11. Kiss, hug, touch, rub
Physical touch is like the quiet song, humming in the background, which calms, heals and refreshes the bodies and souls of a married couple.
12. Embrace yourself
It’s okay to be yourselves. Marriage isn’t where individuality goes to die.
13. When his (formerly sweet) quirks grate on your last nerve
You loved spontaneity but now you long for predictability and grounding. Read this post. And remember he’s also adjusting to the new you.
14. Any babies yet?
Newlywed wives are advice magnets. And people are free to think about what people want to think about.
But you don’t have to be their captive audience. Don’t hurry along to prove a point or to please someone.
Lean into mentors and close friendships (typically one or two friends, those people within your permissible inner circle) and let go of those who want to remote-control, through opinions, remarks, expectations, from a distance.
Ask God to give you peace and guidance. But don’t harass your newlywed heart to running other people’s imaginary races.
15. Accept and discuss changes, without taking it personally.
We change. That is part of life. He may have wanted to wait for one year to have children but now wants to wait for two more.
You may thought you were done with school but now you want to go back for another degree.
You will re-visit many pre-wedding agreements and conversations. You will harmonize some, throw out others, embrace some, cry over some.
You will learn to talk over broad issues without thinking your lied to one another, led each other on (unless these things are true in which case, please get counseling for yourself!).
Healthy people change too. Things change. We change. That’s okay. Let us make a cup of tea and talk about it.
16. You choose what kind of person to become
The options are vast. You can become a bitter wife, an unforgiving wife, a critical wife, a mocking wife, the-wife-who-values-every-one-but-her-husband wife, the timid wife, the unfocused wife, the vision-less wife, the lazy wife.
Or you can choose to be a Christ-centered wife.
Here’s what I mean.
Choosing to be a Christ-centered wife doesn’t mean you’ll never slip up or fall; it simply means you’ll be walking with God and allowing Him to form you into the woman He wants you to be.
Bible Verses to Hold on to in the Newlywed season
17. When you feel alone
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4
18. When you feel misunderstood
The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? The Lord is with me; he is my helper. Psalm 118:6-7
19. When you feel overwhelmed
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
20. When the future looks uncertain
‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. ‘Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. ‘You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-14
21. When you feel like you made a mistake
The law of the Lord is perfect, refreshing the soul. The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple. Psalm 19:7
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5
Areas to Prioritize as a Newlywed wife
22. The Word of God
Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. Psalm 119:105
Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Joshua 1:8
Pray continually 1 Thessalonians 5:17
Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. Colossians 4:2
Then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Philippians 2:2
For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. Romans 12:4-5
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:24-26
26. Service (creating a Missions-minded marriage)
Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 1 Peter 4:10
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
I pray these thoughts encourage you in your newlywed season.
I have covered these, and more, in a more in-depth manner, in my book Blues to Bliss: Creating Your Happily Ever After in the Early Years. I wrote it specifically for the newlywed wife who longs for a great relationship but struggles to develop the mindset and habits needed to grow a great marriage. If you are an imperfect woman married an imperfect man, this book is for you. Please Click here to learn more and find purchase links.
Ps. Make sure you read the follow-post, 21 Best Pieces of Advice for the Newlywed Husband