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Husband wants praise: Does she owe him? Will his self-esteem wither and die if she doesn’t affirm him? Will he go fishing for glory outside his marriage if he’s not getting it at home? That’s what evangelical and other conservative faith communities that center maleness have told women. They’ve said men need respect.1 And one of…
Someone asked “how do you convince a loved one, through Scripture, that getting away from your abuser was the right thing to do?” Quick answer. You don’t. You don’t need to convince anyone. But let’s dig deeper. Someone who doesn’t see abuse or the need for safety for the victim will not be convinced by…
“How to be a good wife to a bad husband” is one of many search phrases bringing people to this website. A search phrase is what you type into your search engine’s search field to look up ideas online. Before we look at how to be the most-splendid wife to the most-unsplendid spouse, let me…
Does unclear language or presenting opposing ideas when speaking into a harmful situation keep women spinning their wheels in abuse? I believe it does. Based on some conversations I’ve had online, some people believe God can change anyone, including hardhearted harmful people. And so, to them, it’s essential to hold space for change, even as…
A few years ago, I wrote, “a great marriage is made up of two people who consistently put their vows before their feelings.” I have since changed my mind. Sometime last year, a reader asked if I still stood by the statement above. My answer: there’s a lot I wish I could unsay because I’ve…
It looks like I’ll keep taking about “prayer for abusers” because the comments keep coming. A few days ago, I wrote about how God does not force people to change and how prayer is not the be-all and end-all for repentance, personal growth or change. And I want to build on those thoughts and explore…