The Strength of Women is Not for the Rescue of Destructive Men


I feel like we Christians need a weekly (perhaps, daily) reminder that the strength of women is not for the rescue of destructive men.

An unhealthy, destructive man does not need “a good woman” to love him to health. Her strength is not for his consumption.

But as women, we’ve lived under “the strength of a good woman is in how well she loves her man in his trouble” lies for so long that we’ve believed it’s the gospel.

But nowhere in God’s good earth does one human being require another to make them non-destructive. Nowhere in the Bible does God call his daughters to take on the sin of men on their bodies, minds, and emotions.

Seriously, let’s think about it. If God won’t fix destructive people who refuse to engage change, why do we have a theology that makes women and children sacrifice themselves to “help” men get better? At what point do we think God’s “enough is enough” applies? (See Galatians 6:7, I Cor 5:9-13.)

The truth is, destructive men don’t need “good women to help them get better.”

  • They don’t need intact families
  • They don’t need pity
  • They don’t need to feel comforted and affirmed in their current condition
  • They don’t need another message on “regular guy struggles”
  • They don’t need human beings to be sacrificed for their salvation (Jesus already did that)

Destructive men NEED to

  • Reflect
  • Face their choices
  • Accept the outcomes of those choices (i.e., repercussions and consequences)
  • Address deeply rooted pain and negative beliefs
  • Choose the path to health
  • Follow through
  • Bear lasting fruit

Inspecting and undoing the thread of destruction within one’s soul is a long hard journey. Few men will take it up. (Like, only 1 out of 10 abusive men actually turn around) The victim should never be strapped along for the ride.

Resources for destructive men who want to become safe men
Psalm 82 Initiative
Andrew J Bauman

Ps. In this post, I’m discussing unrepentant destructive patterns (all though the principle of individual responsibility still applies when a marriage is healthy.) Before we discuss how marriage is a partnership or how a husband and wife can support one another, I hope we take time to educate ourselves on “normal” vs. “destructive” problems in marriage.

women rescue men

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