Mica Miller: What Christians Need to Understand

I’m thinking about Mica Miller and the beliefs, systems, and people that led to April 27th.

Mica Miller was found dead in Lumber River State Park in North Carolina. The medical examiner said she died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

Mica was the wife of John-Paul Miller, a man who heads a church in the Myrtle Beach area. (John-Paul has since been released from ministerial functions “for a time of healing, counsel, and guidance.”)

I’m thinking about how a whole group of Christians sat every week and listened to John-Paul, listened to him malign and speak poorly of his wife, listened to some of the most unhinged “sermons.”

They called him “our pastor,” gave financially, volunteered their time. They propped up a system where abuse flourished.

Many Christians still think Mica, John-Paul, and Solid Rock Church a rarity. They don’t see Mica in their midst, John-Paul on their pulpit, the Solid Rock Church as their church

Like many pastors, John-Paul delivered the perfect dogwhistle for abusers…they came, and they stayed. Happy and protected. Protected by beliefs, systems, and people..who, even now, see Mica’s life, experiences, as a rare happening.

Mica Miller: What Christians Need to Understand

Many churches will continue preaching God hates divorce. Leaders will continue setting hurdles instead of steps when partners need a safe way out.

And the same people will ask and wonder why. Why did Mica leave the world the way she did? As they pet and coddle the people and systems that ensured she did.

Why won’t my sister leave her cray husband? As they “amen” and support systems and beliefs that keep her in chains. Read More “But Why Doesn’t She Just Leave Him?” 40 Reasons Women Stay in Destructive Marriages

When I fist shared this post on Facebook, a Commenter wrote:

“As people talk about Mica’s story they talk about it as though it’s a horrific, isolated incident. It IS horrific. It is NOT isolated. Every person knows multiple women who are existing in relationships like this (whether they know it or not) and most people know at least one woman who has contemplated suicide as a result of being in a psychologically abusive relationship. Most people are propping up the systems and beliefs that fuel the existence of abuse. Personally it has bothered me that people assume John-Paul had to pull the trigger himself. I understand the assumption. And he could have. But to me it speaks to the marginalization of how harmful emotional abuse is. Somehow a person is more demonic if they pull the trigger than if they get inside of your head and sense of identity and cause you to completely disintegrate from the inside out.” Facebook Commenter

I love the Commenter’s insight, especially this part: “Somehow a person is more demonic if they pull the trigger than if they get inside of your head and sense of identity and cause you to completely disintegrate from the inside out.” How many Christians understand emotional, psychological, financial, sexual (and other types of non-physical) abuse? Not many.

Some people get it. See Mica Miller Did Not Kill Herself. But so many don’t. Another person left a comment under a #JusticeforMica post saying, “God still hates divorce.”

So. A woman is dead, millions around the world are living (and dying in) Mica’s nightmare, thousands of John-Pauls stand on pulpits, and I was raising awareness about the same and the Commenter didn’t even consider she was proving the point?

Helpful Resources:

1. Courage: Reflections & Liberation for the Hurting Soul

Are you tired of religious refrains being used to justify your hurting reality? Have you been told to take your place in the valley of desolation? Are you injured by wolves dressed in sheep’s clothing? Are you walking through life with a broken, disjointed soul? Courage is for women who are tired of harmful theology and bad marriage advice. You deserve more. ORDER NOW AMAZON or PDF

2. Is This Abuse? You Deserve to Know by Sarah McDugal (Free Resource)

Perhaps your marriage isn’t just hard. Explore the different categories of mistreatment and danger that are all part of Domestic Violence. “Is This Abuse?” is for women who want to know the ultra-common red flags that are too often overlooked. You deserve to know. Enroll Now.

2. PREPPED by Sarah McDugal

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Helpful Pages for Women in Chronically Hurting Marriages

WildernesstoWILD with Sarah McDugal
Flying Free with Natalie Hoffman
Abi Akinola
Confusion to Clarity with Helena Knowlton
Life Saving Divorce with Gretchen Baskerville
Heather Elizabeth – Held & Healed
Betrayal Trauma Recovery
Bare Marriage with Sheila Gregoire
Hope For Hurting Wives with MaryEllen Bream
Ola Mide – When Marriage Hurts
If you’re in danger, call an emergency hotline in your country. Canada: 800.799.SAFE (7233). United States: 1-800-621-HOPE (4673). United Kingdom: 08 08 16 89 111. Australia: 1800 015 188. New Zealand: 0800 456 450. Kenya: 0-800-720-072. Nigeria: 0800 033 3333. South Africa: 0800 428 428. United States: Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 988

Resources & Training for Churches

2 Comments

Esther Tolle says:

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Wise words. Thank you for your thoughtful article. Such a heartbreaking situation! Just a small correction to the article. JP has not been released completely from being Pastor. They have just let him take time off “to heal…”

1. Ngina Otiende says:
  
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  Oh I’ll correct that, thank you. Incredible how churches/leadership treats perpetrators. I wish they displayed the same heart and sympathy for Mica.