When Church Attendance Became The Sign One is Christian

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When Christians no longer go to church, are they still Christian?

I don’t know when attending a church service became THE sign that one is a Christian. But here we were.

Many people believe attending church is the primary indicator of one’s faith. The thinking is so strong that not being part of a church is often seen as abandoning one’s Christian faith.

When Christians no longer go to church

A while back, I watched a video where a pastor preached about why people leave church.

His core message was that there is no Christianity without church attendance and connection. If you’re not part of the church, then it’s very hard to call yourself a Christian.

In all fairness, I once believed that following Jesus and attending church were the same, much like the pastor and the congregation who Amen-ed what he said.

It wasn’t a conscious thought, but there wasn’t a bone in me that didn’t think Christian believer + not attending church = inauthentic “Christian.”

Then, I got sick with a yet-to-be-diagnosed chronic condition. Years of limitations and pain, a body that hasn’t “snapped back” to normalcy or health despite bazillion tests, doctors, interventions..and more interventions.

I tried to roll that body to a church building.

And slowly discovered some churches don’t even know what to do with sick bodies—especially evangelical churches where being able-bodied is how you belong.

I learned the body does what the body does, and blessed are those who are open to the flow. Not because they can’t dream or want a better season. But because we ARE. Right. We are human and loved by our Creator, whether lying in a bed or sitting in a pew.

It was one of my earliest lessons on why some people need to leave the church in order to heal. Read More The Importance of Empathy: Why We Shouldn’t Shame Those Who Suffer

I would later become intimately acquainted with another reason people leave church buildings: to find (or hold on) faith, to find themselves, to find peace and sanity away from the places that assimilate and harm.

But “Not all Churches”

The question always comes up: I know, not all churches.

But “Not all churches cause harm,” “Find another church” type of responses reveal why we need to ask ourselves tough questions.

Like, why do we task others with finding treasure in their trail of ruin, looking for the good in the bad?

Instead of affirming people’s grief and developing allyship, why do we instead ask them to find the good in a bottle of poison?

How do you see “gift” in a bag of injury? Why are Christians comfortable handing out trauma and sending people on a wild goose chase to find Jesus within it? 

Being handed trauma and told “God will cause everything to work out” is a cruel form of injury. It’s cruel because it not only harms the human being, it scrambles their path to the Safety and Love.

If you’re still wondering, no, we don’t have to harm to pass on the good things. We can pass on the good without the bad. That’s why it’s called “the Good News,” not “the Bad and Good News.”

When Christians no longer go to church

When Christians no longer go to church: Attending a church does not make one a Christian.

Yes, being part of a healthy church or community is a good thing, where accessible. The key word is healthy and accessible.

If you’re gaslighting yourself to make it through the front door, then you might want to really think about what community is all about. If you are unable to attend church but are shamed and coerced to go anyway, that is also unhealthy.

Not going into a church building does not make you less of a Christ follower.

At this point, we also need to acknowledge that pastors have a vested interest in judging and guilting people into church attendance. Some of that enthusiasm is not for the people. It’s for the organizations’ bottom line: attendance = money and free labor—two of the important things churches have decided they need to exist.

(For more on this, please check out book Jenai Auman’s book, Othered: Finding Belonging With the God Who Pursues the Hurt, Harmed, & Marginalized (This is an affiliate link.) )

Telling people they need to be in a church to be Christians is introducing something Christ did not preach or model.

Attending a church does not make one a Christian. Anymore than calling yourself a Christian makes you one. And please know that nobody can take your relationship with God from you.

Question: What’s been your experience with church? (And by “church,” I mean church buildings/formal gatherings.) Let’s chat in the Comments

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6 Comments

  1. As is the case with most types of abuse, it seems that the responsibility is being placed on the victim instead of the perpetrator. If someone has experienced spiritual abuse or harm at the hands of the church, it makes sense that they would be leery or hesitant about jumping right back in. To draw a parallel with abusive marriages, it would be like shaming a woman for not wanting to immediately remarry after escaping an abusive relationship and accusing her of hating men or not believing in the sanctity of marriage.

  2. Learning to be beloved says:

    My experience with formal “church” has been a series of trying to measure up, of presenting myself in the “acceptable” way while the demands on me increase with my performance. It’s been a striving to be accepted but never making it into the “in” crowd. It’s being blamed for too little faith when I struggled with life changing circumstances. It’s been full of asking me to leave when I ask questions that would grow my faith. It’s being told the only acceptable worship is in a sanctuary with singing, preaching and prayer. It’s being told that I could fix my marriage with an abusive spouse, while he was coddled by the “marriage” counselor who “needed” to befriend my spouse rather than protect me & my children. These “church” hurts have followed me outside the congregation through some of those congregants judging me outside those buildings. After 40 years of persistent harm in these formal “church” settings, I finally left to get healthy (thank you, Covid lockdown!). I’ve found that the Kingdom is mostly outside the “church” and it’s growing despite the panic of the “church” railing against the “world”. In the Kingdom, people cared for me – whether they were overtly Christian or not. I found a belonging and safety outside the institution I was raised in, but was never good enough for. Ironically, my faith and peace have increased since leaving the “church”.

    Thank you, Ngina, for being a Kingdom builder!

  3. I thought this was an excellent article. Like you I’ve experienced health issues that interfered with my church attendance. And before I had the health issues I was a beloved member of the church because I could keep up and do. Once that changed, I was left by the wayside. And it was very painful That I was forgotten so easily and also that I was always told that I needed to have more faith and I needed to drag myself into church to actually prove that I was part of this community. But it’s really the community that locked the ability to be the hands and feet of Jesus. They seem to be missing the concept of the good Samaritan. They seem to be the ones that walked on the other side of the street. So then, Who do you have fellowship with if they don’t want to show up? How do you find a community in that situation?

  4. thanks for the great article.
    it is like everything in life and in spirituality – there are always exceptions.
    definitely true that church attendance alone is not a sign you are a Christian.
    But when you are a Christian, you want to be with God’s people and hear the Word, pray and fellowship, get strengthened and also pray for others, use your gifts.
    Christianity is definitely a collective faith not a personal individual one.
    I have found that there are seasons in your life where you do not or cannot attend. I know elderly people who are physically impaired & do not attend, but are watching Songs of Praise and listening to David Jeremiah every week.
    the main thing is fellowship as the bible is pretty clear we are a Body, and need each other – the toe cannot say to the hand, I do not need you. do not forsake the fellowshipping one to another – to support, admonish, encourage, serve, to hear the word, corporate prayer, get blessed and bless others.

    With some exceptions, most who have stopped attending church, or home bible study, and are not committed to some fellowship or mission, usually their faith weakens. It isn’t just “going to church”, it is being the church, visibly, giving, serving, corporate worship, praying for one another. the list goes on.

    Let us build one another up

    1. While I wholeheartedly agree “Christianity is definitely a collective faith not a personal individual one”, I do see a problem if we’re not careful.

      If we’re not careful, we will tell people to keep their “responsibility” to the gathering *regardless of the quality of the gathering.*

      We hold the gatherers accountable in a way that we don’t hold the systems they gather under (the church as an organization.)

      And I think that’s whats happening when we tell people they need the church without telling the church (leaders, organization, teachings) they need to be healthy (and holding them accountable.)

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