One of my biggest pet peeve as a single woman was the question;
“Sooo, when are you getting married?”
I heard it from colleagues, some friends and family, even strangers.
And things haven’t change since I got married..
Single women still get asked the same question and it’s variations “Why are you not married yet?” “What? You don’t you have a boyfriend?! At your age!”
Today I’d like to share some of the things I wanted to tell everyone back then 🙂 And what I think many single women want to tell those that repeatedly ask.
Why you should should stop asking me when I am getting married.
1. As a single women, I am asking myself the same question.
You are not telling me anything new.
2. I cannot control the other part aka Mr Boyfriend.
I can’t make a man marry me. I know some women try but I am not one of those.
A guy needs do what a guy should do; show up, woo and marry (with mutual consent of course)
Ps. maybe we should start pestering the guys, no?
3. I know all about the biological clock because I hear it ticking.
But I also understand God gave me the “clock” and He’s well able to keep it ticking till He brings the man and the children.
Children need a father. I am not planning to add to the fatherless generation, just so I can beat a silly clock.
*silly, when you look at it from the big scheme of things.
4. I don’t have a sell-by date.
Trying to hook me up with shady characters and sly fellows does not communicate your concern or love.
It has the opposite effect; makes makes me feel like I have an expiry date. And the date has come and gone.
As a Christ-centered lady, I understand my worth and I am rooted in Christ.
But I am also flesh and blood and have desires and longings.
You parading and flashing these guys isn’t helping me wait well.
5. I don’t need to be reminded.
I attend weddings, hold bridal showers and baby showers.
I have scars from a broken heart.
I stay up late with God talking (and crying) about it.
I don’t need to be reminded about what I am “missing”.
Mostly I need a salve, some laughter..a little encouragement that being single is okay.
6. Just because I am of marriageable age does not mean I have to have a boyfriend.
Look, husbands come from God. You don’t pick them up off the streets (there’s a name for those who do and that’s not this lady) and take them home.
In the meanwhile I don’t intend to whirl away time with some random guy.
Too precious, too loved for that. Give me Jesus. And a steaming cup of tea.
7. I love my life as a single woman.
Shocking eh. I have pillow hugging days and times I hang off my bathroom walls with an unending ache in the pit of my gut. Or heart, I can’t tell.
But it’s not everyday. Most days I am enjoying the freedom, the bliss that comes with singlehood.
I enjoy the ability to chase hard after God without thinking about “family obligations”. I see how married women juggle everything; babies, husband, home, ministry, work et cetera.
I am like “Phew, thank you Jesus!”
I know someday it will be my turn but for now, I am enjoying my life to the max.
Ps. I know many people mean well and they are not trying to make me feel bad. But well meaning words don’t always feel..good. So just being honest here.
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
Question: What can you add? If you are single what questions do you enjoy not hearing? As a married how can we better encourage the singles in our lives?
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