Why a Boring Date Night is Better Than No Date Night
A lot of couples opt out of boring dates night because..well, that boring part.
I love date nights and date days and in my search for the perfect, consistent one, I’ve come to this conclusion; a boring date night is better than no date night.
Doing something with my spouse beats doing nothing.
Indeed, we all want more planning, more detail, more romance, more “wow” in our time together. It is the early years of marriage after all and thoughtful and spectacular are craved.
And there’s nothing wrong with these hopes (I still love me some wow!)
But our overall healthy relationships can’t wait for more planning, more detail, more romance and more wow. Our marriage can’t wait for perfect.
It needs our attention now, in the in-betweens. When life is busy, when a spouse is sick, when there’s “normal marriage” conflict, when money is short, when we’ve run out of ideas, when the holidays are spinning our heads.
Please note: this post is intended for spouses in generally well-adjusted marriages, where mutuality (equality), honor and respect are present. Unselfish unbridled love DOES NOT = manipulation, control, entitlement, exploitativeness, abandonment, criminal behavior, life-altering addictions. Part of creating a healthy marriage and life includes being able to call out and distance yourself from toxic unhealthy marriage patterns. Please talk to a safe person if you’re marriage is unsafe, abusive, lacking fidelity and neglectful. Talk to a licensed counselor trained in abuse and trauma, authorities if you feel unsafe. Check out these series of posts for more help.
We can’t sit around and wait and worry and agitate for perfection. We need to pick up something and just do it. Even if it’s boring. Common. Did it last week.
At the end of the day, what you need is your spouse. Not just stuff to do. Together, a healthy husband and wife can take the most “monotonous” thing and turn it to delight because it’s not always what you are doing but who you are with.
Together, a husband and wife can take 'monotonous' thing and turn it to 'delight' because it's not always what you are doing but who you are with. #datenight #dateyourspouse'
The other day, I was reading from the book of James in the Bible.
In Chapter 3 verses 11 and 12, James wrote,
Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water? Can a fig tree, my brethren, produce olives, or a vine produce figs? Nor can salt water produce fresh.
In this portion of Scripture, James is talking about the power of our tongue and how as Christ followers, our words reveal what our hearts have believed.
The verses have great application for marriage as well. Specifically, as spouses, we need to ask ourselves what type of output we want to see in our marriages. And based on the output we desire, think about the type of input we are giving.
If we want our marriages to send our “fresh water,” (be healthy, intimate and fun) we must invest freshness consistently. Not just when conditions are ideal.
If we only invest when it’s convenient to do so (when time is right, when there’s zero (normal marriage) disagreement, when everyone and the bank account are healthy), then our marriage will reflect that mixed message.
And James says it’s impossible to have a “mixed marriage”. (Can a fig tree, my brethren, produce olives, or a vine produce figs? Nor can salt water produce fresh.)
Your marriage won’t wait for the perfect date night or date day. Your spouse won’t wait to feel valued and needed and wanted. See Priorities: Why You Need to Put Your Marriage First
You can’t put your relationship in the back burner, hoping to pick it up when “when there’s less pressure.” If you do, you’ll discover there’s no marriage to pick up. Or the drift took you too far.
That’s why you need that “boring” date night/date day. It keeps the motor humming; keeps you tethered together, as opposed to drifting apart.
So here are some ideas for the next date night or date day. Or encouragement for when you find yourself doing the same thing as last time: just remember the “boring” time together is better than no time at all.
12 “boring” date night ideas to keep you tethered together
- People watch – Grab a cup of coffee or hot chocolate. Find a good bench in the nearest mall or town square and people watch.
- Turn up the music and dance to your favorite silly music.
- Christmas lights tours – Drive through your neighborhood and enjoy the lights.
- Make love – If your great guy always initiates intimacy and you want to take the lead, initiate!
- Have dinner at home and then get your favorite dessert, to-go from your favorite restaurant.
- Grab a cup of coffee and stroll through your neighborhood or downtown area.
- Play a board game
- Visit with with friends See Why Married Couples Need Married Friends
- Read together
- Cook dinner at home and rent a movie
- Go for a bike ride
- Write each other love notes See 30 Love Quotes for My Husband
As you can see, these are not fancy date night ideas. They are regular fare. Anyone can curve out time to do one or two. The freshness of your marriage may be depending on it!
Your turn – Can you think of other not-so-fancy date ideas to add to the list? How do you keep dating each other when life gets busy? Lets chat in Comments!