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A few months ago, someone shared one of my old quotes on social media. The quote is from a few years ago when I used to write general marriage advice geared towards helping women address conflict and improve communication in marriage. But I’ve since changed how I write about marriage (here’s a post with more…
What do you do when your spouse is chronically irresponsible? The message from evangelical Christianity is to keep trying. In the past few years, I have read and listened to countless stories from Christian women who are married to chronically irresponsible spouses.* A common theme in their stories is the pressure from pastors, biblical counselors,…
If a partner says they will change specifically for you, run. Or at least, don’t believe them. Watch. Wait. But don’t be taken. People who promise to change for reasons outside of themselves are not reliable sources of information. (Whether they realize it or not.) Lasting change is not something we do solely for others….
“Marriage is hard” is how some spouses avoid taking individual responsibility in marriage. When I was newly married, I thought all problems between a couple were something both people needed to work on: All issues were solvable. Even where one person was at fault, I was taught that prayer, patience, and better instruction would fix…
Last week on Facebook, I wrote about how “change” without lasting fruit isn’t really change. I suggested those impacted by hurtful behavior shouldn’t be asked to settle for “change” that is not accompanied by real-life transformation of character that shows up in daily interactions. Many evangelical and other conservative faith spaces elevate a “love” that…
What does it mean to be intentional in your marriage? He said I was a snob. We were on our first date. Well, “two church friends chatting over tea and fries” as our missionary fundamentalist church didn’t allow dating. The friendship didn’t last, but the idea that to be clear-eyed = snobbish did. And although…